Words Can't Be Taken Back

A friend innocently shared her sadness that her son would not  be with them for Thanksgiving for the first time this year. How could I lash out at her? I told her to be grateful she would be seeing him again. Ugh! I hate this. The last thing I want is for those I love to feel they have to watch their words around me. Of course she has a right to regret her son's absence at this holiday. I feel so ashamed of my harshness with this lady who is nothing but kind to me.

Of course, when I called to apologize she said it wasn't necessary. It was necessary and she was not insensitive like I made her feel. Shame on me.

This is going to be a bittersweet holiday. I am grateful to have my mom here and my kids and grandkids. The fact that Ron and I found our way back to the love we share makes life livable. But Ryan's absence is a reminder that our family is not in tact and never will be again. I am trying to see the blessings that his death have brought about. The fact that he won't be bugging me in the kitchen by adding weird ingredients to every dish just feels lonely.  I would give anything to eat mashed potatoes complete with flaxseeds and tobasco if Scooter were just here to hug.

Thank you God for never leaving my side. My tears flow and I know they just show that Ryan mattered and continues to live in the heart of his mom who misses his hugs.

In Him,
Joyful
11-23-2010