This is the first time in my life that I have had 12 days at home alone without work or appointments. It sort of loomed in front of me as I dropped Ron off at the airport bound for Peru. It was important for me to come up with a plan so the days didn't just melt away. My other concern was that I would isolate myself and just binge in Netflix. Lately, it has been so difficult for me to socialize with all the emotions in my life. So I came up with a schedule of 'must do' everyday.
Spend time with someone I love
Drink my gallon of lemon water
Walk 10,000 steps.
I listed these all in my blog at the beginning along with a list of 'to be avoided'.
I did blog, do Bible study, drink and visit each and everyday. I was not so great at getting my steps in. My excuse (I recognize it as an excuse) was that Ron and I switched phones for his trip so I didn't have my Fitbit app. on my phone. So I am extremely proud of not crawling in a hole. I even cleaned all our closets and took a carload of stuff to a friend who is having a garage sale to help pay her medical bills.
It may seem silly that I am patting myself on the back for these simple tasks. But the truth is I have been battling depression. So reaching out to friends I haven't spent time with in a long time was tough. My time with each of them was wonderful, healing and so fulfilling. Spending time with God by delving into His word on a schedule was another gift.
These past few years we have watched Ron's mom and my mom spend more and more time alone in their homes. Spending time alone is not a bad thing unless it is how you spend the majority of your time. For me too much time alone adds to my depression. This is probably true for most people.
Reaching out to those who are shut-ins or just those who live alone is really important. Too often I assume everyone else has a busy schedule and is plenty busy with their other friends and family to have time for me. When in reality they are alone and would love to get a call or do something together. Funny thing is that several people have told me they think the same about me. People assume I am socially out there and my calendar is full. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I get stuck. Losing my son 5 years ago was tough and it is hard to have another son who is struggling. It feels easier to avoid life than embrace it.
So I am so pleased with myself for having rich conversations with people I love and have neglected. This is a new phase for me I am praying. That I reach out and start opening my life again. Pray for me to be brave in this.