Today is not turning out like I expected.
Months ago I took today and tomorrow off work to
spend a romantic couple days in Taos.
Ron has a Stone Calendar talk tonight,
dinner and a free suite.
The real gift is that after a lifetime together
we were so excited to spend special time together.
Just the two of us.
After the archeology conversations of course!
Ron is still going to Taos.
I am going to Grants.
Our son needs me more.
My heart hurts for him.
I hurt for all who fight addictions.
The shame, the loneliness, the lies, the desperation
is life consuming.
I know my son.
He is not selfish.
Addiction is.
He is not a liar.
Addiction is.
He is not a criminal.
Addiction is.
Does this mean he is not accountable~responsible?
Not at all.
He has to take his consequences.
My prayer is for the wisdom of those who will decide his fate.
He must surrender all to move past these addictions.
I must surrender him.
The truth is, I don't know what will be best to move him past this
cycle of self destruction.
God knows.
I will sit in the courtroom not powerless.
I will be surrendering my son's life through prayer.
Mel Fisher said, "Today is the day."
For decades he said this while treasure hunting.
One day he found his treasure, the Atocha.
So I say, "Today is the day."
The day for a new direction.
I don't want this to take decades.
I want this to be his low and life to move upward from here.
I will be here whatever the day brings and for all the days after this.
Peaceful in surrender.
In Him,
Joyful
1-12-16
Dear Joyful, my prayers and mother's heart is with you today. With kiddos we have had it all. It is such a hopeless, helpless feeling. Your support and putting him in God's hands is the most reliable way.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is with you today. You know I put so much of my life on hold for my son and today I can honestly say, that while he is no longer suffering, I would put the rest of my life on hold to have him back and to still have the faith that his life would get better. You know when Joshua was on the streets, Uncle Ray, who was so strict, told me to tell Jason to never let go of his son. Keep him close and do everything in the world to help him. Do not ever feel guilty for feeling the pain you do. So many mothers are feeling it with you. Love you....
ReplyDeleteMay you be surrounded by the arms of Jesus in the courtroom and at all times this month. You are a good mom to be there for your son.
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