Fitting In
Is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted.
Belonging,
On the other hand.
Doesn’t require us to change who we are;
It requires us to be who we are.
Brene Brown
The reality is we all want to belong and be with others that belong. But work so hard at fitting in that we don’t trust others with our true selves. Marketers get this and that is why there is a unigue way to order Starbucks and Inn and Out Burgers has a secret menu. It makes us feel like part of the tribe. It makes us feel like we belong because we know the lingo. How devastating to order a small coffee when you should know it is a tall. But this kind of belonging is not what connects us with others. I try to call others that my path crosses throughout the day by their name when I can to get a connection rather than just receiving whatever service they are providing. Being seen matters But these brief encounters are just that moments between two people who happen to need each other and at best make eye contact and exchange smiles. Including a name just helps us feel seen while we walk through our days.
Real belonging seems to be fading away these days. My mom had friends over with their kiddos to play and she never would have thought to spend hours readying the house for their arrival. Their lives were intertwined and they saw her house just as it was everyday. They were comfortable enough to do each other’s dishes or put on a pot of coffee if the pot was low. The familiarity they had in each other’s space made them a part of each other’s lives. I admit I only have a handful of friends who come and spend time in my home with that since of belonging here. That is something I must intentionally work on if I am going to have more refrigerator friends (comfortable opening my fridge and helping themselves).
Perhaps meeting regularly in each other’s homes could help us belong to one another more. Although, I know people who prepare for a week or more for their Bunko groups, Bible studies or book clubs. Maybe there is another way to become familiar enough to trust and beilieve that we can just be ourselves with each other. This is something that I desperately need as I once again step away from my classroom. I need to belong and if I don’t have a work family I need to create a home family that includes others. If you read my blog you know I have an orphan spirit and that is an almost urgent need to belong not just to fit in.
In Him,
Joyful
11-15-18hy
Real belonging seems to be fading away these days. My mom had friends over with their kiddos to play and she never would have thought to spend hours readying the house for their arrival. Their lives were intertwined and they saw her house just as it was everyday. They were comfortable enough to do each other’s dishes or put on a pot of coffee if the pot was low. The familiarity they had in each other’s space made them a part of each other’s lives. I admit I only have a handful of friends who come and spend time in my home with that since of belonging here. That is something I must intentionally work on if I am going to have more refrigerator friends (comfortable opening my fridge and helping themselves).
Perhaps meeting regularly in each other’s homes could help us belong to one another more. Although, I know people who prepare for a week or more for their Bunko groups, Bible studies or book clubs. Maybe there is another way to become familiar enough to trust and beilieve that we can just be ourselves with each other. This is something that I desperately need as I once again step away from my classroom. I need to belong and if I don’t have a work family I need to create a home family that includes others. If you read my blog you know I have an orphan spirit and that is an almost urgent need to belong not just to fit in.
In Him,
Joyful
11-15-18hy
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