Separating My Do From My Who

Separating The Do from The Who is the way Christine Caine describes how we need to release our shame. Too often we convince ourselves that we are our mistakes and missteps. In reality we all have shames in our lives that we need to delete from our identity. When one of our children make a mistake and even when they repeat that mistake or lie about it as parents we give consequences and forgive them. Our do is not our identity but are stepping stones to figure out life and move toward The Who we wish to become.

One of the reasons I have written this blog for ten years this month is because as I cleaned out my closet I ran across sparsely written journals. When I opened them up I saw that the only thing I documented in my life were times of anger and disappointment. There were a handful of journals from our family trips as well. My inclination was to pick up a pen and spew the ugliness of life onto the page. Then the notebook was blank until I returned with my frustrations and hateful heart a few months later.  These tucked away spirals opened my eyes in so many ways. Was this the heart of me that I wanted others to uncover after I breathed my last breath? Was this really the focus of my life that I wanted to dwell in? Weren’t the positive blessings and joys of my life worth the write?

Now most of you know I began this blog in January of 2010 with a beautiful 9th grader that I was fortunate to have in my life. We started writing daily so she would pick up a keyboard instead of a blade. Alicia was a cutter and craved the blade. Our hope was to replace this negative with a positive. What I got was replacing my pages of ugly with my life stories of hope and inspiration along with countless embarrassing stories of those I love.

Writing has become my Do but it is more of a centering or grounding in my routine. I am always better when I spend the first part of my day focused on how my Who is blessed rather than focusing on the Do that too often leads me to shame and failure thoughts. This is my story and I hope it reveals that even with all my regrets I have come to love my Who more on my journey.

God forgives and forgets. It doesn’t mean I get a pass but that I receive undeserved grace. Who am I to cling to my mistakes, wallow in my sin when He, the creator of the universe has already covered it with His life.

I hope to still be blogging a decade from now. There have been sparse writings over the past ten years and times when I couldn’t imagine not sharing my thoughts. Many of you stepped in when I turned away from writing. The hateful journals from my closet have long since been destroyed. Now when I am writing in Heaven, my family will see The Who of my heart. The me that went through hard times but never had to walk through life alone. That Jesus was my strength and gave me the grace to forgive myself. That is probably the hardest thing any of us ever does. Our greatest accomplishment should be separating our Do from our Who and realizing we are each His most precious gift stains and all.

In Him,
Joyful
1-10-19