Unexpected Rewards

I always love when I get unexpected rewards from life. So as most of you who read my blog know I got a book copy of my blog about Ryan from Leona for Christmas. Then she generously helped me print more copies to share with those I love and who loved my son, Ryan. It was a difficult decision for me to give them out unedited. The teacher side of me wanted to fix it first while the heart side of me said trust that they can see past the misspells and punctuation errors to your faith and love that carried you on this journey no mother should walk. So I sent twenty four books out. The truth is I have not read my own words yet so I am feeling vulnerable and brave at the same time. But a few nights ago I got a gift I never would have imagined. The gift of my grandgirl.

Lissa FaceTimed me and said we must read this together. So I read one post then she read one post. Through tears we were connecting over the loss of her Daddy and our faith. What a gift! I was not brave enough to read the book Leona gave me and Lissa didn’t want to read it without me. It will take us time to go through each page but how healing it has already been to share my words and the love her Daddy had for her. Our conversation has wrapped around the truth that even when Ryan felt like a failure our eyes viewed his love and successes. How powerful for an almost sixteen year old to read that even through bad choices there is love. That even when each of us feels we fall short of expectations there are victories as well. The heart of her Daddy/my son’s story is not one of drug abuse and suicide but of encouraging others with his words and generous spirit.

I couldn’t buy a book that would show her more clearly what a gift she is to me and to all of us. God knew as I healed by writing each day through my loss that someday I would be ready to share my unedited story with others. Leona picked up the ball where I had stashed it in the corner of the internet and brought it to life. Today a second batch of twenty four books will arrive because I believe there are others I want to be able to pick up a little paperback and get a view of my sorrow, faith and the love I have for my son and his family.  So I am putting together a list and will head to the post office Monday. Terra, Heather and Tammy I need your addresses  to send you my most faithful followers.Your comments and those of others encourage me to keep writing. 5056701174 text me your addresses.

The other gift from this is I am getting FaceTime with my grandgirl almost every night. I am humbled that she takes time out of her busy schedule to sit down with her Noni.

In Him,
Joyful
2-28-20