Missing My Sister, Something I Never Thought I Would Be Called To Do

 It doesn’t seem possible that I am never going to pick up the phone to have early morning coffee with my sister again. How can she be gone from my life? Covid took her home after an exhausting nineteen day fight alone in a hospital. She was not surrounded by her family or the flowers and cards she deserved. Although we are grateful for the hearts of healthcare workers, not having family was unbearable for Teri and for all of us who could not be there holding her hand and pulling her through. Technology is a gift that we were able to see her face and share I love you signs. Her texts will be my greatest gift of her last words and those ever present four hearts Teri was famous for. 

The trip home to New Mexico was hard. Teri always called every hour to see how we were doing and where we were at. The silent phone on the seat next to me was heartbreaking. I cannot imagine what my crushed brother-in-law is feeling as he wanders his house without the love of his life, his stone, cold fox as he called her. 

They were going to take their entire family on an Alaskan cruise next summer to celebrate their 50th anniversary. Her two grand girls are both graduating next month. Pailey is getting married in June. How are we going to get through all these without our Teri, SC Fox, Mom and Nana in the midst of the celebrations? How was their Thanksgiving without her famous rolls and pies? I couldn’t even call. They need their space to heal. Texting is best right now. 

People have been so generous with their love, thoughts and even food deliveries yesterday. What we all need is what we can’t have back and that is Teri stepping out of that hospital and into her Allen’s big bear hug. I am just numb. We are all numb. There are no words. Realizing that families all over the globe are losing theirs too soon to this invisible killer doesn’t make us feel included. It makes us know we are not alone but only we are missing our Teri. 

The song~ Just Be Held is giving me the picture I need of my sister in Jesus’ arms just being embraced. 

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

I am sure there is a reunion with my Mom and Dad and all the others that love her and are happy to see her again. But it is lonely down here without my early morning fix of coffee and a phone call with my sister. We never solved any world problems in those calls but spent time celebrating our families and praying for those we love. Oh Teri, how I miss by big sister.

In Him,

Joyful

11-27-20

7-19-53~11-24-20