A small press in the middle of my back, a soft nudge to move forward, just a little push to take that first step or perhaps the next step. There have been a few times when I was still enough to physically feel the tender prod of Jesus. The best way I can describe it is a pressing in my back to act. The truth is each time I have sat quietly arguing over why moving would be a bad idea. Crazy that I just don’t obey first and see where His guidance takes me. Learning to step out and trust is a lifelong process.
I thought I would share some of those tender moments that ended with my obedience and a life filling experience.
First, I washed teenage girls feet in my kitchen sink which led to discovering one precious girl’s cutting. This brought us close together as every other girl stepped forward and revealed their own fresh wounds or scars from their pasts. When Alicia shared that she craved the blade we began writing as an alternative to cutting. My yes to God’s putting it on my heart to wash feet gave me this blog that has seen me through life’s heartaches and triumphs. Oh the mounds of writing my kids will need to sift through when I am gone. But their stories, my heart are written on this site because I obeyed His push to be uncomfortable.
Another time was as uncomfortable. A friend asked me to sign my book for her. It felt extremely arrogant of me to sign a book like a real live author. That just felt so conceited to me. But I signed it and realized the first time doing something is always the hardest. I struggled to sign books or ask if someone wanted me to sign it. My obedience led to the answer. I don’t consider myself an author any more than I consider myself religious. But I am a writer. God has given me the answer when someone asks if I wrote a book. I did write a book~one day at a time. Now when I sign a book it is not about me but about who I am giving the book to. If I give one to a checker at Walmart who is smiling and engaging with customers, I write how their heart for others impacts people throughout the day. How we treat others matters and now I have a way to encourage those who are encouraging others. I love that!
In the past few years, God pressed me to look into the eyes of someone that I give money to on the streets. My Mom pressed me to hand out a scarf I just completed to a man sitting in the snow years ago. When I jumped out of the car and handed him the scarf, he never looked up but reached out his hand to receive it. I asked him to look at me. When our eyes met I saw the most beautiful blue eyes. I asked him his name and complimented his eyes. We shook hands and he smiled. He told me no one ever sees him. Taking the time to connect mattered. I was moved by the encounter and it has stuck with me. It is easy to hand someone a dollar or even share a freshly crocheted scarf. The real gift between us is the connection to one another. His blue eyes and my Mom’s direction to give will forever warm my heart. I hope the scarf kept him a bit warmer in the snow as he sat alone on the curb.
Saying yes to the little nudge, press, prodding is more of a gift to myself than to others. I always plan to say yes but too often dig my heels in and have to be gently brought to the yes that should have been my first response. That is the good thing about my Father. He is always gentle and patiently waits for me to come around to His direction. Starting my day in His word and fellowship allows me to be quicker to respond. What a gift I give myself when I bask in His love. In turn, it allows me to share His love and receive it from others. Here is to more yes answers in my future.
In Him,
Joyful
11-15-22
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