Reframe, Rename, Embrace

 Reframe it. Rename it. Change the narrative to make it possible to survive. When Ryan died on April 5th right between Natalie and my birthdays we could have let it destroy our future celebrations moving forward. Instead we decided to say that Ry wrapped his trip to heaven in our birthdays. It is still a day of missing him beyond belief on the fifth. But we don’t let our sadness creep into enjoying our next year around the sun for each of us. Natalie turned twenty the day after she lost her brother to suicide. No little sister should endure that kind of pain. Ron and I have made it our mission to make her future bdays as joyful as possible. Now that she is thirty-four and a mama to two sweet boys, it is even more important to celebrate her on her special day. As we all know, mom’s focus on doing for their kiddos more than pampering themselves. So whether it is a spa day or a night out with babysitting provided we treat our girl.

Too many years I spent allowing a funk to settle over me in April. So many losses occurred in that month that I steamed myself to power through to May. Now I do my best to focus on the gifts of April as well as grieving the losses. It wouldn’t be genuine to ignore the heartbreaks but there are also things to lift up. Reframe it. Rename it. Embrace it. Loss never goes away even if one tries to ignore it or push it under the rug. But our focus does shift as time goes by. Often I get a wave of grief missing my son while loving on his grandkids. He should be here to spoil them and encourage their orneriness. But the fact that I have his beautiful Elissa in my life and her sweet kiddos is a gift Ryan left that fills my life with love and laughter. He will never give me another heart rock but others think of me and share the ones they find in memory of him. I love the incredible rocks but even more I appreciate that others think of me and my missing my son.  With every heartbreak there comes something or someone to fill our lives. There will never be another Ryan but I do appreciate all those in my life who fill my days and hearts with there own special love. 

I have never believed the saying that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. What I do believe is in life we have losses and gains but in both God walks beside us and gives us others to carry us through the joys and sorrows that everyone experiences in life. My tribe and my faith are what allow me to look at April and live with a balanced perspective. 

In Him,

Joyful

9-1-24